“Only the lonely know the way I feel tonight…” Three Ways To Deal With the Loneliness.
By Gail Desilets, M.A., M.S.
OK, so you are divorced now. You have gone through all the emotional hell and legalities and done the best you can with the decisions that have been made. Maybe you didn’t like the idea or maybe it was your choice, but what’s done is done. For the most part you are doing OK. You know you need to move on and you are trying your best. You have reached out to your friends and family and they have done their best to comfort you and give you hope. You are doing OK…but EVERYTHING has changed.
Where there used to be the two of you now there is only you. You seem to notice couples more than you used to. It seems like everyone is part of a couple…and then there is you. The friends you had when you were part of a couple don’t feel the same as they used to… if they even stuck out the break up. Nothing in your emotional world seems to fit quite like it used to do.
If you were together with your ex for a long time these feelings of loneliness can be especially powerful. Sometimes it can feel a little better during the day only for the night time to come and those pesky lonely feelings hit again. If you are still in the same home of your partnership you might look across the table and see an empty chair where your partner used to share dinner and their day with you. It might be the worst when you aren’t feeling well and you don’t have anyone to tend to you right now.
What can you do when you are hit with feelings of loneliness to help yourself feel better? Here are three suggestions you can try to help combat those sneaky “I’m all alone!” feelings that can come up when you least expect them…
1. Make a list of people in your life who love you. Carry this with you so you can look at it when you need to. Put a copy by your bedside to look at in the middle of the night if need be
2. Take yourself to the movies. Give yourself a vacation from loneliness by escaping into a good comedy or a light drama. Avoid heavy movies about relationships right now.
3. Spend some time in nature. Go look at the ocean or take a walk in the woods or the mountains. Go for a drive and just check out the scenery while listening to some peaceful music.
— You probably already do something that helps you feel better when you are feeling lonely. Why not share your suggestions with others reading this? In the comments section below, share your top three things you do to help you get over those dreaded feelings of loneliness.
Are you going to get through this and not so feel so lonely as often as you do now? Of course you are. However, in the meantime, it’s important to realize that feelings change. Even the loneliness you feel changes at different times of the day and in different circumstances. Pay attention to when you feel better. Try to figure out when you feel better and when you feel worse. A trusted friend or a good therapist can help you through this transition time in your life. Keep reaching out to others. Some of us really want to be there for you.